The Ups and Downs of Writing

Not to overuse an analogy, but writing or at least the belief in one’s ability to write seems to be a rollercoaster ride to me. There are times when I am super excited and pumped, usually when I feel like I aced that last chapter, or seem to be on a roll. The creative juices are flowing, that dialogue is just right. Other times it feels a bit flat. Not bad by any means, but not over the moon either. You are going through the motions, making progress, seeing the story develop without too many glitches. Everything is working as it should. And then there are the 55 meter free falls, the dives, dips and turns that make you feel like you are going to vomit over everything in a mile radius. Rejection letters, self-doubt, writer’s block, no one wanting to read your book… the list is endless.

The other day I was having one of those “vomit over everything” moments. I was sitting there thinking, about one of my stories, when suddenly I thought, why are you doing this? This is ridiculous. You could be spending so much time and energy into these stories when you aren’t even good at it, and no one is going to read them. You are a fraud.

These are definitely my least favorite moments. I feel like this is a prevalent problem in the creative arts, not just writing. As people, we want some validation that what we are doing is valued or respected by others. Yet how many classical composers, artists, painters, and writers weren’t even acknowledged for their brilliance in their time? Edgar Allan Poe comes to mind.

The reality that I think all us writers must face is that we might never be recognized for our work, or truly loved for it. That doesn’t mean it isn’t unique, awe-inspiring, or spelling binding. It might just be that we are before our time, or the right people aren’t around to appreciate it. And maybe when we die (cheery thought), it will be recognized for what it is. Little comfort I know since we will be dead and what will we care at that point. Or maybe it won’t.

But as writers, we try, we craft, and we tell. And maybe no one will ever appreciate our great works, but at least we didn’t leave the world with a blank canvas.